Being in Manila for almost a month now has been pretty amazing. A lot of wild things have happened and I've witnessed so much of God's power come down on His people. I am also seeing the budding signs of His prophetic destiny for me in the government and politics.
I’ve had supernatural encounters with Him every time. I'd be in the mall and I feel the Holy Spirit so strong on me I would literally twitch or do some weird thing. I would wrestle with demonic oppressions and see God prevail. In the Nazarite Camp I got to see first hand God's healing power over sexual sins and other forms of bondage. His presence was so tangible we were all undone when it falls heavy on us!
When I’m with my friends the flow of prophecy is tremendous. Everyday I was seeing miracles left and right. I'd be waking up at 2 or 3am and the presence of God was all over the room, this happened almost every night. He showed me a vision about the Congress one time and three days after he woke me up in the middle of the night to give me a scripture for it. It is nuts I tell you!
There's always a lot to do in a day, I would meet so many interesting people in a week, and spend time with friends who share the same passion as I. By His amazing grace, I witnessed so many lives come into the knowledge of God's saving power. Every week I'd be preaching the gospel to some lost teen or to a cab driver, in a big hall with hundreds of youth or to restaurants and coffee shops. I've ministered to so many weary people and Christians who are struggling with serious problems.
Also Im taking part in ministries I really love. Im in the Boiler Room for intercession and on weekends Im teaching street children about the Lord. It's a whole new lifestyle and a pretty hectic one. I am seeing amazing signs and wonders, healing, miracles and a whole lot of mind blowing stuff.
But amidst all of it; the many godly activities, His spirit moving in people's lives and mine, awesome friends who are on fire for him and the wonderful ministries He has placed me in, I found my heart sometimes dull and dry.
And then one dayI felt God’s grief over me. I felt Him tell me one day in the most gentle way, “Where is that girl who used to sit at my feet and simply gazing at me? Where is my lovesick Bride? You’re so preoccupied with many things, but can you just fix your eyes on Me right now?”.
The tug in my heart was strong and the pang inside brought me to my knees. How could I have abandoned my first love?! My heart has been so preoccuppied with ministry works, with fellowship, busy even desiring the prophetic, asking for more visions and dreams; I was always doing something, reaching out to the poor, wanting to walk in more anointing, excited about my prophetic destiny, I forgot that it’s all about being found in love with Him!
“Father I am sorry if I’ve forgotten what it means to be a Mary of Bethany. My heart has been busy devoting itself to the things of You but have overlooked Your beautiful face, too consumed by what Your hand can do. God take me to that place again… the spot I used to love spending my time in, hours on end. I want to sit at your feet once more and just simply behold Your beauty. Fill in the void in my hert and wow me with Your majesty, of Your glory. Love me with Your lovingkindness and give me a quiet spirit that wants nothing else but YOU.
I was so worked up that I veered away from the Greatest commandment and was fascinated with the Great commission instead. The supernatural, the prophetic, feeding the poor, evangelism and a host of other ministry works have taken a primary spot in my life. Sometimes when I am in His presence, pinned down on the floor and basking in His glory, I would ask Him, “what do you want to tell Your people Lord? Do you have any prophetic word for them? Or for me?” These are absolutely valid desires in our hearts, but then again all He wants, more than using us for His glory, more than blessing us, more than showing us our prophetic destiny, is us. He just wants us. He desires passionately for us to simply linger in His presence.
I love His timing. As Im writing this, my iTunes played a preaching of Jaeson Ma, and as I cranked up the volume he shouts, “Conferences, church meetings, revival, signs and wonders, they’re all good… but God’s presence is better!!! If I were to chose between seeing 5,000 raised from the dead, miracles, signs and wonders, and millions of churches planted around the world, between that or having five minutes of God’s manifest presence, to feel and to touch and to taste His glory, I would chose five minutes with God.”
One loud amen to that!!! Being loved by God and loving Him back (1John 4:19) is the end goal of my life. My devotional time with Him, all my prayers and time in His word, are not my means to a bigger ministry, or more anointing… but this is my end. To dwell in His presence all the days of my life and be fascinated by His beauty! (Psalms 27:4) There’s nothing else I want more. This is my rhyme and this is my reason.
I am not saying that we’re supposed to just sit idle and lock ourselves up all day long. No! I believe with all my heart that as you make the First Commandment a priority, then the second will just flow effortlessly. As I become more heavenly minded I know that God is going to make me of earthly good. I found that so true in my life. But never again will I trade my precious encounters with God for anything else!
Being ruined by His love has reordered my life. I am so sure that for the rest of my days I am going to be ministering to the poor, preaching the gospel to people everywhere, be on mission trips and see revival happen in my generation, making disciples of all nations. I believe that He is gonna pour out His Spirit on me more and more and I’ll be moving in the prophetic, with signs and wonders, raise the dead perhaps? But even if I have all of that and more, if I have not loved Him, then I am nothing. (1Cor. 13).
To have my heart set ablaze as I read through Scriptures and be facinated with this beautful God Im inlove with is way better than anything else in the world, it’s more exhilirating than seeing a multitude come to Christ or preach on a crowd of one million. Ministry is good but God is better.
I don’t ever want to lose that place of rest, where it’s just me and Him. This is my ministry, to minister to my Lord. To pour out my vile of worship every moment and to behold His face every single day. I count all things loss for the excellence of knowing Him(Col 3:8).
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